tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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