I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I love black thongs
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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