Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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