Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
