Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
