He had one of those small greek statue penises
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
