I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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