You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
