i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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