if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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