I think my vagina is haunted
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
