my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
