Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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