I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
