Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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