tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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