well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
