i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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