I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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