very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
