what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
