I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
