I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
