I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
