Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize