I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
