So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
