He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Redeem this text for a blowjob
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
