yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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