Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
