we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize