All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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