You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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