Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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