that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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