I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
