why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
