i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
