ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
