you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
