Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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