so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
