wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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