He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
