Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
