You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
