id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
