I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
