new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
