woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
