Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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