Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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