Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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