why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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