I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
