so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
