what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
