my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
