i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
