I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
