your parents love me but you hate me
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My pussy is not your playground.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
