I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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