She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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