I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We have so much sex to catch up on
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I am one with the molecules
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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