He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
