ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
