What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just pee around me
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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